"FISH ARE FRIENDS... NOT FOOD"

Well, what a weekend. Had a great Saturday with the Family, went for Mexican Food after my sons game, did pretty good, didn't eat the entire bowl of chips and hot sauce, wanted to, but contained myself! Went home cleaned the CASA. I was a little irritable with the medicines, so when we arrived at home we all split up.

After another wild night on the range- "Playstation 3" now full with his Mexican Food, needed some rest. Down he goes. The kiddo's wanted to play with the neighbor kids, so I let them, I sat on my couch, and put on... what else..... Bravo TV! I am absolutely obsessed with that channel! As I was sitting there, I saw out of the corner of my eye, a large hairy object on the base board, I thought OMG is that a mouse? I cautiously jump up on the couch, like Tom Cruise did when he was declaring his love for Katie, and scream, "One of the Varmint has escaped your game and is running through our living room", HELP.... OMG... It is a Rat.... or something like that. WTF... MY ALLI kicks in... Now I am thinking, I don't ask for much, but whatever is under my love seat, if it could just stay there so that I can dart past it quickly to my bedroom so I can go implode, I would be forever grateful. I am even pleading with the varmint personally, as if he would respond! I am telling the damn thing, just stay there, I will not hurt you, I come in peace. Where is the FUCKING cat, I mean I have two cats that my brother needed me to watch, I have fallen very fondly for one of them, and I am now begging it to come rescue me. ASHLEY.... ASHLEY....my son comes running downstairs, what is it? I think there is a mouse under the love seat, he/she however, is the size of a small Chihuahua. What are we going to do. He said... I will look, he lays his precious, naive self on the floor, and says, is there white mice? I said, yes, he said the color of Tucker and Ty (our Pugs)? I said that is fawn? Then it hits me.... there are no Fawn mice, I mean unless some sick bastard has started breeding mice, and has hybrid them... I get down, as if I was never afraid, look and get closer... SON OF A GUN... IT WAS THE LARGEST COLLECTION OF DOG HAIR YOU HAVE EVER SEEN! THESE NASTY ASS PUGS, SHED SO MUCH THAT THEY HAVE A TUMBLEWEED OF HAIR THAT IS FREE FLOATING THROUGH MY LIVING ROOM! When I cut the ceiling fan on it must have given this large mass a little push and hence the movement. Now I am pissed, that my floors are so nasty and I have to lose another major organ so I don't have time to worry about it, off to the- what I know refer to as the "Sanctuary".

Man, Adipex, or as I have now renamed it thanks to a co-worker who mis-understood me "THINNER ME", has started to settle, I am not as irritable and my headaches have stopped- time to clean the "PIG STY" and that is not a reference to me and my home, just a reference to the nasty house!

I have been thinking more about the "WHALE TAILS" and what happened to make us get this size. I wish I would have gotten some names and info from those ladies, I mean I can only assume as most of our names do end in amu, for instance... KIMU, SHAMU, HAMU.....any way, I digress. Oh, but I would like to say, there are a lot of "thin" people who we "WHALE TAILS" see as no where near heavy. We would like to call you- "lunch"..oops I mean "MINNOWS", it reminds me of FINDING NEMO.... "FISH ARE FRIENDS... NOT FOOD", we love you all but until you have to shop in the sizes with a W behind the number, we don't care!

Speaking of which, WTF is up with WAL-FART and TARGET, seriously do you have to put a TIGGER, POOH BEAR, TWEETY BIRD on on the fat people's clothes. THERE IS NOTHING CUTE TO ANYONE ABOUT A LIFE SIZE TWEETY BIRD OR TIGGER! Infants wear this! NOT 20-60 YEAR OLD WOMEN. And mind you, I have a Mickey shirt from Disney, but I sleep in it! No one and let me repeat.... NO ONE... THINKS A 300 LB TWEETY BIRD IS CUTE- TWEETY IS TINY AND HAS A SPEECH IMPETAMENT! IT IS SCARY AND REALLY DANGEROUS! GUNS ARE LEGAL IN TEXAS, SOMEONE MY SHOOT YOU IN JUST SHEAR FEAR or EVEN WORST, THEY WILL CALL THE GAME WARDEN, YOU KNOW HOW HE CAN BE! The upside is this is good birth control! By the way, the W does not stand for Women's it stands for WIDE!

Whoo, glad I got that off my chest, so see, I am so much less irritable! So I am down 10lbs and really am starting to feel like I can handle the "Thinner ME" know I have to explore this "TOPAMAX" hmmm..... details to come on that!

SASSY WATER recipe: Take a Gallon of water add mint, ginger, cucumber and lemon. Let it sit over night and then choke it down the next day. It actually helps you release water weight and lose bloating up to 5lbs easy!